Looking for Love from My Open Centers: The Projector - Generator Dilemma
For so long I looked for a romantic relationship which is pretty typical for projectors, the only type that receives their signature theme “success” through the other. It is programmed into our DNA to search out the other and guide them into correctness.
I was so determined to pretend to be happy and energetic (trying to be a generator since most people in my life are generators) thinking that's what it took to prove I was healed and ready. I spent over a year escaping the pain of my heart with weed (hey open spleen, not wanting to let go of things) to pep me up (numbing my solar plexus waves) and dating (open g center - looking for someone else to point me in a direction) as a distraction.
I wrote a three-page front and back list of what I wanted in a romantic partner. Then I stopped dating. I stopped looking. And wham bam, a person who was almost everything on my list came in hot and fast. A sacral generator who knew what he wanted in the moment and chased after what he believed would give him satisfaction. Me.
I thought, is this what recognition feels like? Is this what being invited into partnership looks like?
The Projector - Generator Dilemma
Ra Uru Hu has a wonderful lecture titled “the projector and generator dilemma” where he discuss that projectors know we are here for generators. To guide them and help them get unstuck. We crave that juicy life force energy.
Yet our auras and energy are SO different. And ultimately, if a projector tries to act like a generator not realizing they’re so different then they’ll burn themselves out and become bitter that they can’t keep up which then causes them to lose their magic. And in a world that is made up of 70% being generators, this is their world, and when they realize we non-energy types are not like them it can be very confusing and frustrating for them too.
Projectors absorb the other along with their incorrectness, so being in a relationship with a frustrated generator can be amplified by the projector and reflected not only in our energy but by the quality of what we are gifted at seeing.
The frustrated generator is what keeps the world and society in the not-self as all of life revolves around them and either their frustration or satisfaction, and a projector who is around a frustrated generator will feel and amplify that frustration.
Projector - Generator Romantic Relationship
Generators and projectors can have a very symbiotic relationship. Generators love how projectors can enrich their lives, projectors love the energy and warm “hug-like” energy a generator brings. One guides, the other offers the support and energy.
However, the auras and energy dynamics are very different but being aware of the differences allows for awareness of when one or both people are acting from their not-selves and may need time alone (especially for the projector to dump out the energy of others and get in touch with their own).
A good tip for projectors and generators in romantic relationships is to sleep in different beds, sleeping in their own aura. That way the projector’s open sacral isn’t being conditioned all night by the generator and both people can wake up as themselves.
In a romantic relationship a generator can end up resenting the projector’s guidance and penetrating aura if the projector is giving unsolicited advice without being asked first. However, those feelings are a good chance to just take a step back and spend some time in your own aura. Or to have an honest conversation about what is coming up and bothering the other. No two types or charts are better or more correct for each other, and every two people will possibly have contention and issues - but communicating with love and understanding can help you in every single relationship you have.
Another thing to keep in mind is generators are here to know themselves, and projectors are here to know the other, and because of those mechanics a generator who isn’t aware of human design may have a hard time understanding the projector. It’s hard for anyone to understand a projector unless you learn about human design, because we are so different. And while a projector is studying the generators in their lives and trying to understand them, it’s important for the projector to continually fill their own cup and prioritize their energy levels.
Projectors were made for generators
Projectors were made for generators, to help guide them when they’re stuck. We didn’t start incarnating until 1781. And we came into existence to guide generators to their authentic selves and to help them learn better ways of harnessing their life giving and building energy.
Because we were made to guide generators when we’re rejected by them and the invitation is taken away it can really sting. It can feel like we’re not enough for the generator, that our wisdom isn’t good enough, or that our penetrating aura is too much. However, if you’re a projector - it’s not personal! The people who see you will see you, and only the people who aren’t meant to see you won’t be able to. :)
Projectors are ultimately here for when generators get stuck and need some help and guidance and usually once that guidance is given the generator can then move on with their own journey. Because that’s why generators are here, to do what they love and become very good at it, and then build something based on those interests and passions. Projectors are here to help generators be successful at doing that.
A suggestion I have for any projector who’s in a romantic relationship is to have interests, hobbies, and friendships that nourish you outside of that intimate container. Generators can feel so good to be around, they boost our energy, and projectors can become addicted to the hits of sacral energy and then feel forgotten when the generator is on to the next thing.
A generator can only put their focus on what’s in front of them, so if you’re basing your confidence on your romantic partner - it’ll never be able to fill that void within. So learn how to love yourself, and the relationship can be a great cherry on top that can boost your energy and support you. The generator-projector relationship can be soooo good when it is flowing there just needs to be understanding and acceptance of the differences.
My romantic relationship with a generator as a projector
The newness of my relationship, the excitement of feeling chosen after a divorce and two situationships was exhilarating. He had 7 defined centers, I have 7 open centers. I thought he was what I needed because he was so polar opposite from me.
And I thought that because I didn’t love myself or see my value. I was entering the relationship from my not-self, who I wanted to be, not who I am.
Entering a relationship through who you are not can at first we feel exciting and hopeful, like you found the golden ticket. You finally found what we are not which will help us be enough.
But you know what happens when you go for what you are not? You resent the person for being what you are not. You resent the person for not being more like you.
A projector will never be a generator and a generator will never be a projector. A generator is designed to move on and respond to life, projectors are designed to be invited in and seen by people. The mechanics are inherently different. We crave the recognition yet the generator’s energy gets pulled back to themselves where it’s meant to be.
When you have 7 open centers it’s a shock to the nervous system to encounter someone with 7 defined centers. At first it felt safe and grounding. And then I resented the rigidness of those 7 defined centers. My body was overwhelmed by the amount of energy I was absorbing. The amount of not correct energy that had no desire for me to help, and excepted me to be a happy bubbly person all the time.
The nuance wore off and the generator became frustrated that I wasn’t bringing satisfaction by staying in my lane and keeping up and controlling my uncontrollable emotional wave. It wasn’t sustainable because we entered it as our not selves.
As a projector I absorbed his aura and I made myself small knowing he didn’t want my guidance.
It was around then that I looked at my 3 page list and all of it was my not-self open centers looking for someone to complete me. I wanted someone who wanted me from the first moment they saw me (sacral generator or a splenic or ego manifestor) and went for it with no games. Someone who knew where they were going in life (defined g-center) and could give me direction. Someone who felt safe and like they could help keep me safe (defined spleen).
Everything I was looking for was the opposite of me, because I still didn’t love myself yet and I didn’t see the value of my 7 open centers. I was trying to manifest a relationship out of my not-self which will only bring your not-self theme which is bitterness for the projector and frustration for the generator.
However, after that relationship I saw the value in openness, and my need for understanding and acceptance from the other. My need for authentic expression.
Living a life numbed prevents you from being correct which means anything that lines up will be through the lens of your not self and therefore bring more resistance instead of flow. Ra taught the only way to end up in the correct relationships is to follow strategy and authority and enter them as yourself. Anything else is just building yourself a prison. (I have another blog post on entering relationships from the not-self.)
I'm done forcing myself to be anything but what I am which is an emotional projector who’s here to guide energy to find my truth and the other’s truth.
I am healing by following strategy and authority and seeing how capable I am of taking care of myself and being whole.
I'm choosing to be expansive and not small.
